I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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