what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
