WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Will exercising make me less horny?
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