Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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