Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
