The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
