I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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