Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
