i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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