There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
