just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
