Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
