Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
