i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think people are normalizing furries
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
