She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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