i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
