I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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