wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
