I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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