I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
