We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
