I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
