i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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