I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
