so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i used baking grease as lip gloss
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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