I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
