You're my little dorito
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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