haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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