he shaved USA in his pubs
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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