Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
