spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
