He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
