I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
