I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
