I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
