even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
