did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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