the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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