I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
