batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
