I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Randomize
