I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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