i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
