awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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