Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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