So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
