I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
NoShamevember. You game?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
