dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
