How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
