it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
