Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
