Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
