The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
