I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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