2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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