hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
