oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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